The guy she says not to worry about
Having some awareness of your own difficulty expressing emotions can be another of the many roadblocks stopping some men from simply asking, “Hey, I feel like you don’t like me,” Grammer says. “Yet our whole concept of manhood is ‘Don’t be afraid.’ So to go to this person and express fear goes against everything in our psyche about what it means to be a man.” “The question is based in fear they’re scared,” Grammer says. When your wife is the most important person in your life, asking about her apparent deep negativity toward you can be scary, he says. Increasing social isolation, even before the pandemic, compounds the problem: As social circles shrink, many people look to their partners to fulfill all their emotional needs. Thus, there’s often a lack of emotional understanding and a vocabulary for the man to work with in understanding his partner’s emotions.”Īlthough “masculine” stereotypes are slowly being dismantled, many guys aren’t capable of understanding or expressing feeling lonely or scared, emotions lurking behind the belief that their wives hate or don’t love them, Grammer says. “Men who are sad or cry are often seen or portrayed in the media as effeminate or weak. “ Our culture doesn’t teach or really allow men to have emotions beyond happiness and anger,” Grammer says. But Grammer says there are many reasons why some men might choose to ask a search engine why his wife hates him rather than asking her directly about it. It might sound strange - or at least, kind of passive - to turn to the internet for insights about your marriage rather than your wife about her seeming loathing for you. The Fear of Asking, “Does My Wife Hate Me?” And it can make resolving those issues more difficult, because people who don’t have an inclination to look for the positive might feel hopeless or doubt things can get better. Another is assuming that a withering look when your wife is stressed about a parenting issue makes your internal monologue ask whether she hates you.Įven if a guy is prone to catastrophizing, it doesn’t necessarily mean there isn’t a real problem in the marriage as well, Grammer notes. An example is freaking out when your boss calls you into his or her office because you assume it means you’re fired, says David Grammer, a licensed marriage and family therapist in Whittier, California, who works primarily with men and adolescent boys.
“Catastrophizing,” means assuming things are much worse than they actually are or expecting terrible things to happen in the future. It’s also possible that amped up anxiety during the pandemic or similarly stressful moment might have spurred catastrophic thinking.
“They give a mildly negative remark tremendous weight.”
Each day has enough trouble of its own.“People who struggle with low self-esteem and low confidence tend to take remarks much more personally than others,” Nickerson says. ( J) 34 Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. ( H) 33 But seek first his kingdom ( I) and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. 30 If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you-you of little faith? ( G) 31 So do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ 32 For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. 29 Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor ( F) was dressed like one of these. ( C) Are you not much more valuable than they? ( D) 27 Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life ? ( E)Ģ8 “And why do you worry about clothes? See how the flowers of the field grow. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes? 26 Look at the birds of the air they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. 25 “Therefore I tell you, do not worry ( B) about your life, what you will eat or drink or about your body, what you will wear.